Sekadar Hebahan

Bagaimana Saya Menulis II

Proses kreatif Perca-Perca Cinta Untuk Palestin (Berita Harian, 31 Januari 2009)


Perca halaman I

Perca halaman II

Perca halaman III

Perca halaman IV dan V

Perca halaman VI and VII

Janji Tuhan

Perbualan ringkas kami lewat tetingkap laman sembang maya meyakinkan saya bahawa rezeki setiap insan itu telah ditulis Tuhan. Pantas atau tertangguh, namun pasti lunas. Asal sahaja doa - senjata paling ampuh selepas segala usaha telah dilangsaikan tidak sesekali ditinggalkan.

Teman, pinjamkan tempias rezekimu padaku juga ya?

Lapis-lapis Feminisme

Meladeni artikel temu ramah Abidah El Khaliqy bersama media Indonesia lewat jaringan laman maya, saya segera terkenangkan kelas Women In Literature di kampus yang sempat saya ikuti selama satu semester setelah Abidah menyebut novel Perempuan di Titik Nol (Woman at Point Zero) karya Nawal El Sadaawi.

Novel nukilan penulis Mesir itu merupakan teks terakhir yang saya baca dalam kelas berkenaan. Ia asalnya tidak pun terdapat dalam silibus, namun pensyarah - Dr Gianquitto menyelitkan juga novel tipis itu sebagai menyuntik variasi dalam usahanya mendefinisikan 'feminisme.'

Sebelum kelas WIL ini, saya sememangnya seorang feminis, tetapi lebih kepada closeted feminist yang bisu mendongkol geram dan pasrah menerima lemparan diskriminasi kerana "good girls do not do such thing." Namun, saya percaya setiap wanita itu feminis. Cuma tahap radikaliti itu mungkin berbeza, ia bergantung kepada kesedaran dan keberanian untuk meluah sekaligus memperjuangkan hak dalam arena yang masih menjadi taboo disebabkan sifatnya yang mempersoalkan amalan-amalan yang berkait rapat dengan adat dan budaya.

Namun WIL boleh dikatakan mengubah persepsi peribadi itu. Membaca dan menganalisa The Awakening (Kate Chopin) dan Their Eyes Were Watching God (Zora Neale Hurston), selain membaca sendiri The Color Purple (Alice Walker) serta The Handmaid's Tale (Margaret Atwood) dan naskhah-naskhah lain tentang pendidikan dan perjuangan hak asasi wanita, saya sedar tidak salah untuk saya 'memberontak' mempersoalkan ketidakadilan gender yang dibentuk oleh budaya dan sempadan sosiopolitik.

Ketidakpuasan hati ini telah saya terjemahkan dalam kertas kajian akhir semester yang membincangkan pengaruh ruang (dunia luar dan dunia domestik) terhadap kebebasan mental dan emosi wanita dengan mengambil watak Edna Pontellier dalam The Awakening sebagai subjek utama.

Namun sementelah bergelar muslimah, 'kesedaran' ini sebenarnya mengerikan - saya gerun andai terjatuh ke dalam jurang feminisme ala liberal anjuran barat!

Mari kita kembali kepada novel Perempuan Pada Titik Nol. Novel tipis ini telah ditulis oleh seorang aktivis hak sosial wanita dari Mesir. Watak utamanya seorang wanita bernama Fatimaa yang sedari kecil hingga dewasa sering ditindas secara seksual oleh sekian ramai lelaki - bermula daripada bapa saudara (seorang graduan universiti Al-Azhar) sendiri, sehinggalah lelaki yang diharapkan sebagai pelindung.

Oleh itu, Fatimaa menemui liberalisasinya melalui perlakuan seksual juga, iaitu dengan menjadi pelacur. Kata Fatimaa, dengan menjual diri, dia tidak lagi diperkosa sewenangnya oleh mana-mana lelaki, sebaliknya mempunyai hak untuk memilih lelaki yang ingin ditiduri dan menidurinya. Setelah mengambil kira latar wanita ini, wajarkah dia dipersalahkan kerana melihat feminisme melalui konteks yang memualkan sebegini?

Saya tidak mengatakan Fatimaa betul. Namun saya sekadar ingin merafakkan sembah syukur kerana dilahirkan sebagai seorang muslimah, lalu definisi feminisme yang dianjurkan Islam itu sudah terlalu sempurna. Tetapi saya masih perlu menjadi feminis - kerana tembok budaya yang tidak mengesampingkan wanita masih tinggi dan tetal.

The Woman That I Love

This poster is taken from here.

I am very hard to impress and to please. In other other words, I am both picky and fussy. Thus, upon watching Perempuan Berkalung Sorban (The Woman with the Turban), I did not expect much. In fact, I was anticipating it to be another installment of the so-called Islamic movies that is very similar to Ayat-Ayat Cinta (Verses of Love).

But I also love to be proven wrong and contradicted because that shows that I still keep an open mind when facing new (or not so new) ideas and old stereotypes that do not apply in this modern world anymore.

Perempuan did just that. Even though the first hour made me fuming with anger at the unjust, chauvinistic, patriarchal male supremacy of the so-called kiyai's and religious men that is totally socially constructed, the rest of the movie changed my outlook in some matters pertaining marriage and family.

I am one of those modern girls who sort of does not believe in true love, marriage and the possibility of living happily ever after with my significant other for the rest of my life. Like I said, I'm picky, fussy and hard to be impressed. Most men I've met have failed to earn my respect, and sorry, I cannot live with someone who I have no high opinions of.

But when I saw the union of Anisah and Khudori, I came into realization that how marriage between two very very compatible human beings could be so LIBERATING, instead of a burden. They completed each other, and until a friend mentioned it, I did not think of how secure Khudori was. He told Anisah that "you are going to do fine without me." Men like to be needed, they need to be heroes because that is good for their egos, but this man, this one man ensured his wife that he believed in her strength and resilience to continue fighting for her rights even without him by her side.

This is the kind of love stories that people should be writing, translated and read. But I haven't heard of the Malaysian version anywhere - a shame, because honestly Ayat-Ayat Cinta pales in comparison of this great novel.

I absolutely recommend the movie (just bear the initial parts that could send sparks out of your ears), and I take back my initial impression. This is indeed a love story - but not the "legal, Islamic" man-woman love stories that are abundant in today's Malay book market but instead a story of a woman who is in quest to love herself and how she comes to appreciate her role in her religion as promised by God instead of succumbing to cultural stereotypes.

Brain Drain: Salah Siapa?

This walking brain is taken from here.

Brain drain: (n) The loss of skilled intellectual and technical labor through the movement of such labor to more favorable geographic, economic, or professional environments. [Answers.com]

I used to think that Malaysians who opt to work in other countries are selfish and materialistic. But now I take that back. Maybe their qualifications are appreciated elsewhere, and according to Maslow's hierarchy of needs, the highest level of motivation involves APPRECIATION and RECOGNITION. These professionals have got it all - the only thing left to motivate them is by boosting their self-esteems. I need to remember that in case God's plan sees me in management later on.

Anyway, brain drain might not be by choice. When opportunities come, one should grab them - that's logical, practical and pro-active. Besides, if one's own countrymen and women couldn't appreciate what one brings to the table, then does one have a choice apart from taking her/his glittering CV elsewhere?

Tawassul: Untuk Direnung, Difikir dan Dipolemikkan

Foto dari laman Ameen Books

Tawassul: perihal berhubung dgn Allah SWT dgn mengamalkan ibadat khusus mahupun umum: dlm terminologi Islam, dlm terminologi Islam ~ bererti men­de­­katkan diri kpd Allah dgn mentaati dan beribadah kpd-Nya; bertawassul melakukan tawassul: Islam melarang ~ dgn menggunakan perantara yg ditegah oleh syarak. [Kamus Dewan Edisi Empat, versi atas talian]

Tawassul karya Isa Kamari menarik perhatian saya yang sangat-sangat-sangat cerewet memilih bahan bacaan kerana sinopsis ringkas di kulit belakangnya yang berbunyi:

"Barangsiapa memuja Muhammad, ketahuilah Muhammad telah wafat. Tetapi barangsiapa memuja Allah, Allah sentiasa hidup. Mana mungkin Nabi datang menolong umatnya setelah baginda wafat? Mana mungkin? Atau inikah yang dimaksudkan mereka dengan syafaat yang telah dijanjikan baginda kepada umatnya?"

Karya-karya yang mengangkat tema sebegini, yang mempersoalkan aspek-aspek tertentu dalam agama sehingga mendorong kajian dan polemik lanjut sememangnya kegemaran saya. Meladeni Tawassul, saya menemukan kesamaan ini dengan watak utamanya, seorang botanis bernama Syan yang berpegang bahawa kewujudan Tuhan yang dibuktikan secara logik akal akan meningkatkan lagi keimanan kepada Sang Pencipta.

Atas kepercayaan itulah Syan, seorang gadis muda telah memulakan pencarian di Lembah Tuwau. Syan menjejak datuknya, Hasyr yang telah dibuang keluarga kerana dituduh murtad. Berbekalkan buku Peribumi Alam tulisan Hasyr sebelum kehilangannya, Syan mengikut Hijaz ke perkampungan terpencil orang Imorot itu.

Novel ini latarnya pendek sahaja, iaitu dua hari. Namun ia dipecahkan kepada beberapa bahagian yang dinarasikan oleh watak-watak berbeza seperti Syan, Hasyr, Nutaib, Anisa, Hijaz dan Hira. Penceritaan watak-watak selain Syan bersifat imbas kembali dan amat penting dalam menimbulkan unsur saspen selain menjadi nadi yang menggerakkan perjalan plot yang diakhirnya dihubungkan di akhir novel.

Penghujung Tawassul pada pendapat saya tidak konklusif. Ia mencetus pelbagai persoalan yang mengganggu namun mesejnya jelas, terutama sekali kerana naskhah ini merupakan sebuah interteks sirah peradaban Islam!

Antara Prau dan Bedar

Foto dari laman Institut Terjemahan Negara Malaysia (ITNM)

Saya membaca Bedar Sukma Bisu (Bedar) kira-kira dua tahun lalu. Sewaktu meladeni Bedar, saya tidak mempunyai mindset yang baik, yang terbuka untuk menikmati naskhah itu sepenuhnya. Ini disebabkan saya lebih teruja untuk menguliti Manikam Kalbu yag diterima bersama dari Ujana Ilmu kerana kulit hadapannya yang lebih ceria dan menarik. Oleh itu, saya tergesa membaca Bedar, sehingga ia tidak meninggalkan impak yang kuat (kecuali saya geli dengan kisah cinta Wefada-Elemine).

Saya membeli The Prau with the Silent Soul di Kinokuniya Isnin bersama Tawassul (Isa Kamari) lalu setelah membaca ulasan Fadli Akiti. Harus saya akui bahawa saya lebih menikmati bedar Melayu versi Inggeris. Aneh, kerana saya membacanya dalam gerabak-gerabak kereta api, sewaktu menunggu bas dan ketika menanti sepupu menjemput di perhentian.

Bedar/Prau karya yang enak. Pengakhirannya telah terang-terangan dinyatakan seawal bab pertama. Haiqal akan gelandangan di laut dan diselamatkan oleh moyangnya Ben Qortubi yang hilang berpuluh-puluh tahun lalu dan Wefada pula mengahwini Elemine yang jauh lebih muda. Tetapi kita juga disuakan rintih sukma Tengku Fatimah, dan gemilang Pulau Sukma, semenanjung emas serta empayar perkapalan Kumpulan Bedar Sukma.

Seluruh novel ini sebenarnya adalah jawapan dalam persoalan. Ia mengajak pembaca melayari pemikiran setiap watak lalu mengupas segala persoalan telah dihadapkan terlebih dahulu namun menimbulkan sekian banyak pertanyaan pula di penghujungnya.

Maka barangkali perlulah stream of consciousness dalam novel ini sifatnya 'melompat-lompat.' Tanpa jeda, pembaca yang sedang mengikuti lamunan Wefada boleh sahaja dihantar melewati isi fikrah arwah suaminya, Muhammad Chen dan begitulah seterusnya.

Oleh sebab Bedar telah lama saya tinggalkan, saya tidak dapat memastikan sama ada terdapat apa-aapa yang lost in translation. Namun harus saya katakan bahawa langgam bahasa dalam Prau sangat mengagumkan. Malah saya menemukan ayat-ayat yang punya aliterasi sehingga berima pecahan kata-katanya. Semasa tren yang sesak menghinggut dari stesen ke stesen pada awal pagi, serasa ingin saya meninggikan suara membaca, mengongsi Prau sekuat-kuat.

Komplen saya terhadap naskhah ini adalah perkembangan watak yang tidak adil (atau disengajakan untuk menonjolkan watak tertentu?). Saya secara peribadi, ingin segala lebih lanjut memahami gelodak jiwa Muawiyah sebagai anak yang diketepikan, misalnya.

Kesimpulannya, saya akan ulang baca Bedar apabila kontena yang belayar dari Amerika tiba di Malaysia!


*The Prau with the Silent Soul dipamerkan di rak South East Asia Literature di Kinokuniya, KLCC.

Sidelined and Kicked Aside. As Always.

Scholes, Rooney and Tevez; sidelined.
It sucks huh, dudes?
Photo is taken from here.

When they wanted something from me, I was pestered with continuous string of emails, everyday. But now when I just need a few minutes of their time for explanations and confirmation, they would not even pick up the phones or reply to my (very courteous) emails.

I want an answer, by what criteria are the selections based upon? Is it not by meritocracy, so my hard work during 4 years of college or at least the structured interview that I got very good feedback on would count for something?

Sidelined and kicked aside, as always. I probably should get used to it because apparently consistency does not count for anything anymore. I might have just as well deliberately saved all the unwarranted anxieties and studied just "to get by" instead of aiming for excellent grades.

And I do not want condolences. I hate it when people say I should savor the time doing things that would be impossible to do once the working life starts, or the fact that they understand how I freaking feel, or that the best is saved for last.

FYI:
1. I WANT to work, RIGHT NOW. I am not used to an idle lifestyle and like to be on the move.
2. If you already got your letter, then you DO NOT understand how I feel anymore.
3. It BETTER be, or ELSE.

I hate promises. I was invited to be interviewed for a position in another company (a more superior, well known competitor) last year by recruiters in Denver but was talked out of it by sweet words that inflated my ego like "I want people like you in the company." WHAT HAPPEN TO PEOPLE LIKE ME NOW?

Mahfudz claimed that this is the price I have to pay for being different, and a little radical. It doesn't worth the mild dark depression that I could feel is creeping in, but I would never sacrifice the essence of myself to anyone. They can all freaking GO TO ____ (fill in the blank).

Wayyy to start off my 10-year long working obligation with a company that doesn't impress me much with their policies and bureaucracies.

I Love You, You're Perfect, Now Change

The drive from Shah Alam to Damansara this morning was quite lively, with religion became the core issue in the routine morning conversation between yours truly and a cousin. It took off when my cousin mentioned that since she started using Islamic products in her household (HPA chickens, Radix coffee and the likes), some of her friends made hurtful remarks such as "You think you're so religious, ah?"

I told her that is nothing new. I (since I can only relate through my own experience), for instance, have been looked down upon when I talk about issues from the Islamic point of view because I do not wear a longer veil or more loose clothing. It's interesting how the way one dresses should be the testimonial of one's intellect.

But, my cousin reproached, you remember back then when we were kids and had the utmost respect for the teachers who taught Islamic Studies in primary schools because of their knowledge in the matters of the faith? Guess what, it isn't the same anymore. Nowadays, Islamic Studies teachers are just teachers who happen to teach about Islam. She went ahead and mentioned names of two such teachers at the high school where she is also teaching (History and Economics) at.

Well, they're also normal human beings, I shot back, recalling that some so-called Islamic-high-school graduates who regarded their alma maters as just another school where they went to get good education and are no different from more secular boarding schools like Sekolah Berasrama Penuh (I went to one) and Maktab Rendah Sains MARA.

I told my cousin that she should just disregard whatever hurtful remarks that were thrown at her but couldn't help wondering. Why do people have to add that tad bit extra jeer? So if they're skeptical about Islamic products (I am one too, so GUILTY as charged. My cousin took me along to a distributor of such products yesterday when she went to get some supplies), why can't they just say so, or keep quiet instead of saying something that hurt others? Didn't the Prophet himself (Peace Be Upon Him) said that, if you cannot say anything nice about others then do not say anything at all?

Oh. Sorry, for a secular American-college grad, I'm being "too religious" for my own Muslim's good!